kellygullo's Cancer Blog
October 2, 2007
| There's No Place Like Hope | Views: 887 |
Since being diagnosed with Stage II (and maybe even higher) breast cancer… my life has been full. It’s been full of tremendous terror, anxiety, stress and frustration. My life has been full in other good ways too… full of appreciation for life, full of the sense that now I truly know who my friends are and who loves me unconditionally. Of course my husband and parents fall into this category… but very unsuspecting people as well. I had friends from years back come from out of nowhere to lend their help and support. That still amazes me. I am full of a new feeling of obligation to help others. I’m now part of a club that no one wants to join – it’s the sisterhood of breast cancer survivors. I want to be there for the next person who is diagnosed and has the same feelings of uncertainty and fright that I myself felt.
I went to the Susan Komen 3-day in Michigan this past weekend. There’s such an overwhelming feeling that I get anytime I’m at an event like this. This one was different because I had three women walking in my name. What an honor. These women trained through all kinds of weather (and trust me – Michigan weather can get pretty lousy!) and they devoted countless hours to this walk for a cure. I met other survivors at this race as well. They have that same look in their eyes that I probably have… that look of “why me†“or “I’m angry at this damned disease†or “I’m so sad I have this damned disease†or as the blog logo above states… “cancer sucks!â€
I hope someday we find a cure. I think the most important thing to do as a survivor now is to not be ashamed. I think that this disease in the past has been a private, quiet, sometimes “shameful†disease. I hope that we can all now start to stand up and raise our voices and walk our legs off and write to our congress people and raise our money to help find a cure. I hope that cure is not too far off into the future.
I hope that we can all help the new friend, co-worker, spouse, family member, etc. who has just been given the devastating news that they have cancer. When I was first diagnosed, I sat down with a woman for lunch who was a two year survivor … and I will never forget her. She answered all of my questions, and then explained much, much more about this disease that I wasn’t even aware I’d need to ask about! I am so grateful for her help. I could not have gone through this alone. I then read books upon books about my disease. I read the Susan Love book probably 10 times – and every time I read it it just aggravated me. But then, a new fear or worry came up, and I’d be drawn to it again! I read “Nordie’s at Noon†and am soon going to go to a luncheon where one of the authors is speaking. I read a fantastic book written by a woman who was diagnosed years ago with Stage 4 breast cancer. The book is called “There’s No Place Like Hope†by Vickie Girard. It’s a really simple read. I also made the mistake of getting on the internet and reading stuff about breast cancer. I did exactly what the doctors and nurses told me not to do and it was so upsetting to read some of the information. I’ve since stopped reading things on the internet, unless it’s from a reputable medical site.
I myself wonder sometimes how I’m going to live the rest of my days now not knowing when or “if†this cancer will return. It’s a fear we all have, but sometimes expressing this fear helps us so that we can continue on with the day. I just have to keep myself busy – like journaling on this blog – and try to live each day now with a much different perspective on life. I still have my moods… because, who doesn’t? We’re all human. We all have good days and not-so-good days. We just try to live the best way that we can. Keep smiling!
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08.22.08 - 
Thanks for your support -
Kelly your blog was truly needed for me and I think you know that. Your comments on my blogs always seem to get me through that bump in the road. Thank you so much..
Paying forward is the Key. You have opened the the door.
Hug Sherri
Kelly,
What great books! I did not want to read anything during treatment but I like to read now. Also, I searched the internet and found all kinds of bad information. I kept taking pictures of bad reconstruction to my plastic surgeon and he finally got really mad at me. He said “Stay off the internet!”. My reconstruction is looking really good so far.
Melissa
Kelly,
I was a D cup before the bilateral. I am hoping to be a D cup again. The expansion process has not been too difficult, however, I am at the end of the process and I do feel some discomfort. The expanders are hard (your plastic surgeon should have one in his office for you to feel). The first 6 or 7 expansions were not painful. I did apply vitamin E oil to my breast area and massaged daily to help with scar tissue. Since you did radiation, I would let my skin heal really well before beginning expansion. Also, I changed the pace of my expansion and slowed it down. I was going every other week and my skin was too tight. I started going every 3 weeks and it made a huge difference. You can also go every week and have a small expansion. You will have to figure out what is comfortable for you. A lot of women just go with the prescribed course and never deviate. In the beginning, I always said “It is ok, expand the maximum today”. I just wanted the process over. Now, I have realized that it just takes time for a good result and I have to be patient. On a positive note, the expanded breasts look really good. I am really excited for the silicone gel.
I hope this information helps.
Melissa